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On the meridian of time...
there is no injustice...
there is only the poetry of motion...
creating the illusion of truth and drama.
Is that it?
THE NAPKIN UNIVERSE
So today is our two year anniversary. That's why the flowers and suit.
That's marvelous.
Goodbye ma'am, goodbye sir! Bye, bye now!
I don't know what you want me to say, Fabio.
I told you I was coming in late today, calm down!
What she's wants isn't rocket science. She just wants her hair straightened!
I'm at a friend's house. She's going away and needs a favor...
besides I'm with my baby.
Ask Elton to help you, or ask Waldo, he's always goofing off!
Stop being such a drama queen!
Felix thanks a lot for holding her because we were about to go crazy.
I couldn't work and she couldn't hold her because of the chemicals...
Don't worry. It's fine.
Thanks, really.
I swear that I didn't mean for you to find out like this.
Florencia, could you give me a moment alone with Jimena?
I swear I understand the situation and I'm sorry for the mess I made.
But if I stop working, this is gonna get nasty. It's a process.
She could end up with albino hair.
I could end up an albino, Felix!
Flo can't stop what she's doing, she just can't.
Fine.
You know when there's something you have to do...
but you don't so you leave it for later...
and before you know it too much time has passed. There's a word for that.
Procrastination.
What?
The word is "procrastination".
I don't know what you're talking about.
You snoozed it, girl.
That's it! I snoozed it.
So you didn't get around to talking because you "snoozed"?
I know I went about this the wrong way and don't know how to ask you to forgive me...
But the scholarship came by surprise and I should've told you before this date arrived.
What does this date have to do with anything, Jimena?
Well, it leads you to believe that today is our anniversary.
Believe that today is our anniversary?! Isn't today our anniversary?
What's the point, Felix? When we know we have to break up.
Wait, wait, wait, are you telling me...
that you're breaking up with me?
Flo, is she breaking up with me?
I'm not here, I'm not here, but could you please be careful with her pacifier?
It's about to fall and I don't want it getting dirty. Thanks, dear.
Look, Felix...
I'm leaving, understand?
And I don't know for how long.
It could be for a month, a year or...
Forever.
Yes Felix... forever.
Hey big boy.
Shut up, just shut up...
Martin "Eme" in the house.
What's up, girls?
What's that?
The documentarian of your life has arrived.
And he's wearing a tie that he got as change.
What are you gonna do with that?
What are you gonna do with the camera?
A documentary.
Get out of here.
Hey Panza...
Those are the things you wear to work, you do know what that is?
OK, so let me tell you how our lives are gonna be from now on.
I'll have a camera...
and I will...
register our adventures by filming...
you, Felix.
No way I'm gonna be in it.
It's gonna be about all things.
I like the way that sounds.
Who are the main characters?
Who's in it?
We are.
And the women who are not around us.
Especially not around you.
It's about Felix and the possibility that he'll end up...
in the hospital because of all that ***.
Maybe he already has.
And it's about the visual poetry of the world.
I want you to introduce yourself and tell me what you do.
Leave me alone.
What do you want me to do?
I get nervous in front of a camera.
Just do it, dude.
OK, hold on, I'll do it then.
I'm Felix.
They call me "Cat".
I don't know why.
What do you do? Do you study?
No, I don't.
Do you work?
I used to work but...
No, no, do you work?
Present time.
Well no, I...
Dude your documentary sucks!
Your mom called and asked me...
to get this on tape.
My name is Sergio...
Panza.
They call me "Sancho" because...
of the obvious literary reference.
I got a little confession for your documentary.
I'm into indie rock and all that noise...
but lately I'm getting down with that nasty reggaeton.
I'm liking it a lot.
Yeah, I've heard of that...
It's called 'bad taste'.
I feel like an idiot talking to this guy.
*** off!
- Go on... - I'm into martial arts.
I knew it.
It used to be my passion.
I'm not as agile as I used to be but...
I'm about to kick your ***!
Get that camera out of my face!
Did you guys hear the news that...
there's gonna be a meteor shower?
When?
Hey...
And for how long?
I don't know, forever I guess.
Out of the blue, just like that?
I don't know...
I got nervous and...
couldn't ask for an explanation.
That's *** up, man.
Yeah, it blew my mind.
Hey Felix.
Hi Ana.
Hey girl. How's it going?
How's it going?
It's going good.
It would be awesome if you could pick up your beer bottles once in a while.
These bottles are auto-bio-degradable.
I said it wrong, didn't I?
My future ex-wife.
Who is she?
Ana, a friend of Julia's.
Julia's lost a lot of weight.
Dude, don't talk to me about my sister when I'm talking about some hot chick.
Did you see her eyes?
And to think they'll see me naked.
Yeah right.
What?
This is part of the dance of seduction.
The subtle dance of seduction.
Yeah... that was subtle.
Where did they go?
My mom went to some spa somewhere,
and my dad...
"business trip."
A woman?
Or some guy.
That's sick, girl.
Hey, who's that with your brother?
That's Felix.
Sancho's best friend.
They've been together since pre-school.
Out of all of Sancho's friends he's the only one I like.
They call him "Cat."
Because of his eyes?
No, because of Felix the Cat.
I actually think it's for another reason.
Once they went up on the roof...
and they fell.
Cat landed on his feet...
and Sancho broke his arm.
A lot of guts and a little vision is all I need, Cat.
And a brain.
Let me show you how this works.
- What are you gonna do? - Just watch, dude.
- Stop, man. - I'll leave my beer here.
- Watch and learn. - Dude, don't...
Just pay attention.
I never understood any of it.
You and her, why?
She made me a better person.
- That's not true. - She really did.
Felix, that's not true!
Yes it is.
Listen, Felix...
two years may seem like an eternity to you,
but if you think about it, it's really not that much.
You know her now, you know how she is...
and if she has to go, let her go...
to hell if she has to.
I don't know...
I can't think about this yet,
it's just too much information to handle.
You've lost weight, right?
What did you think about Ana?
She's very nice.
Sancho plans on divorcing her someday.
That's too bad...
because she liked you.
Hey, Julia...
remember when I told you I can't handle too much information yet?
Tough.
Felix...
Are you asleep?
Yeah...
Felix...
What, mom?
Did you get my message?
No, I didn't.
What time is it? Six fifteen.
- How did the job interview go? - They said they'd call me.
- But what exactly did they say, dear? - They said, "We'll call you."
So they'll call then.
I need you to go pick up your sister from work.
She can get here by herself. Let her hitchhike!
She's just getting used to this new job and she must be tired.
Wake up, son! Come on!
Wake up and go get her!
Dammit.
Our souls existed long before us and they'll exist after we're gone.
When we die...
our souls are reborn somewhere else.
That's what this guy says...
in his book.
So what else does that book of yours say?
You're the one asking the questions.
It's like saying: "I was Cleopatra in my other life."
Everyone was famous in their other life, no one was "Joe, the milkman."
Take abortions for instance...
Dear God.
What about abortions?
Well, let's see...
I'm 23 right now but I could've been 30 and be someone completely different.
I could've been 'Juan' or 'Pedro'.
But somebody aborted me and...
like this guy says...
the soul never dies, right?
So I could have been a different person in a different place.
Not you... your soul.
Suppose they're the same thing.
OK, my dears. Nice talk.
Very deep.
And Dad, if you think about it...
could be a baby or a child right now.
That's what I was getting at.
Think about that.
OK, ladies...
I'm off.
Bye mom.
Bye honey, take care please.
I'll take this.
Can I borrow your book?
No.
C'mon...
I said no, stop it!
C'mon...
Give it back!
Enough...
Bye!
Bye baby, take care.
Don't be like that, please.
What do you think you're doing?!
OK, I'm sorry. That's your favorite tree.
I won't do it anymore.
You need a haircut.
The girls like it like this.
It's too long.
OK, I'll cut it a little.
Dude, what the hell?
Where'd you get red tennis balls?
From a trunk of old stuff.
- Where are you going? - I'm gonna take off.
I asked you where you were going.
I gotta go help my mom with some things.
Stop lying to me, man.
I'm not lying.
You're going to see Jimena?
I'm going to see Jimena.
I don't know if it's the right thing to do...
but I should say something to her.
Or she should say something to you.
- Somebody's gonna say something to someone. - When is she leaving?
The day after tomorrow and I never talk to her again.
She's been planning this for some time.
Yeah, she just forgot to tell me about it.
Good luck, man.
Talk to you later.
Cat...
Move over.
That nun on channel two doesn't stop.
Ana says they're twins and they take turns.
Hmmm... twins. Interesting.
You're so gross.
Look at that toe of yours and you call me gross.
Hey, listen...
I wanted to ask you something about Ana...
She likes Felix.
No. She really likes Felix?
She just saw him once and she likes Felix.
Che...
Stop saying 'Che'.
Why?
Cat's going through this thing.
I don't know if it's the right time...
You know what? The sooner the better, Sancho.
Besides that idiot is leaving.
She's leaving the day after tomorrow, Julia.
Yes.
I wish Felix would just let her leave.
- Impossible. - You never know.
This is the part of the movie where we cut to Felix arriving at Jimena's.
When?
Now?
Now.
Did you ever read 'Hansel and Gretel'?
Shut up, don't answer.
Well...
there was this witch who wanted to eat Hansel and Gretel.
That's called 'Anthropophagy'.
- Anthro... - Shut up, don't answer.
- Are you gonna do the looking game? - Which one?
When we look at each other and then we don't.
I just can't be here anymore.
So I went over there looking for answers...
but when I got there I realized how pathetic I was.
I was the guy asking the girl who just dumped him for an explanation.
We've talked a lot about this.
You know better than anyone what I want to do with my life.
You want to leave.
I do. I want to leave this place.
You know how many people want the same thing?
There's a big difference between wanting something and having it.
I know, we always talked about it.
It was something we were gonna do together.
OK, when? Please say when.
When.
Look, Felix...
I know I'm hurting you and you have to understand it hurts me too.
But this is the way it is.
I can't throw away this chance to do what I really want with my life...
We're on our way right now.
Stop being a little ***.
Come right out when I get there. Don't make me wait for you, man.
That *** hung up on me.
I can't stand that guy sometimes.
Let him wait.
I'll bet that when we get there he'll make us wait.
Thanks, man.
What did he say?
No idea.
I think people complicate their lives with stuff like this.
Wondering if your soul gets recycled and if life continues.
You're you now and that's it.
Who cares where your soul is gonna end up next?
You could be the next Bruce Lee, so what?
How could you not care? It's your soul we're talking about.
That's just it, you're not your soul. This is where I crashed that time.
You're a stepping stone, temporary.
This soul thing is like donating an organ. Your dead and it's over.
Period.
These things, they don't amount to much.
I've got a solid philosophy about this life thing.
What's your solid philosophy?
Someday it'll all be over...
if you're lucky today is not that day.
That's it? Are you serious?
What's up, fat ***?
Don't be like that.
We're two blocks away.
Get outside and please stop calling me already.
You suck!
Hold on, let me get this on tape.
You know who asked me for your number?
Who?
- Who? - Paola.
Paola? She's got a boyfriend.
Paola goes to my college.
Is she hot?
Dude, she's the kind of girl you want to place on a pedestal.
She's beautiful.
I dated her for a while but then she went back to her ex.
The one with the green eyes?
I'm calling her today.
You're not because we'll end up drinking and you're an alcoholic.
OK, maybe not today but tomorrow for sure.
This is the story of a rogue.
A man who walks the streets with his friends...
Turn that camera off already!
Good God!
My viewfinder can't get enough of this ***!
I'm gonna destroy that PAUSE button later.
Look at this ***! Are you looking at this ***?!
- And your dad's gift? - I won't buy it here.
Why not?
They don't have what I want here.
- What is it? - A gun.
What the ***?
What for?
Haven't you seen my dad's gun collection?
You got the cash for it?
It's gonna tap me out but I don't care.
The old man turns fifty.
This *** is...
My god!
This *** should have its own zip code.
There she goes...
You'll remain in my freeze frame forever and ever... Assmen!
First of all, hi mom!
My name is Martin, also known as Eme.
I'm 24.
I've travelled the world.
Lived on the beach for a while, worked as a lifeguard.
I find myself directing this documentary.
This is an anthropological study about...
all things.
It's about what it's like to hang out with the guys,
getting that fire ready for the barbecue...
salting the meat...
calling your girl in the middle.
It's a postcard moving in slow motion if you will.
Very slow motion.
A study of 'today' as a concept.
The great 'today'.
What a *** nutjob.
Are you high?
- I take offense, I mean it... - What is all that 'great today' ***?
I'm talking about things that are happening to us.
I'm being serious about it because...
I believe this will be something we'll show our kids someday.
There she goes!
I love you. You're on the widescreen of my soul.
***!
It's like Atari.
What?
Yeah, all these stories that we start getting ourselves into.
All this crap we have to deal with as we get older.
What the hell does Atari have to do with it?
It's got a lot to do with it...
Are you guys talking about Atari?!
Shut up!
Are you talking about Atari?!
Shut up.
- Why Atari? - Do you remember 'Kaboom'?!
You had the joystick and one red button and that was it.
Anyone could play.
Now you have these controllers with ten buttons,
you press one and the guy does a back flip,
press another and he farts... and why?
That's what I mean.
In very few words what you're trying to say is...
as we get older, things get more complicated.
Yeah.
Dude, that's so basic.
I know but...
It's what's going on in my head.
Do you remember 'Kaboom'?
The one were the guy tossed bombs?
Awesome.
You touched my *** hand.
As time goes by things get complicated, right?
Yeah but that's the law of life.
You were born and all you had to do was *** and burp.
It's the law of life, dude.
I don't know what that means but...
What's wrong, Cat?
Well...
I went over to Jimena's the other day and...
I needed her to give me something...
I didn't mean to laugh, sorry...
Your problems are yours...
and you shouldn't be busting people's balls with them.
You're so wrong it's not even funny.
Your friends are here for all the good stuff...
so why not the bad stuff too?
How many times have I told you...
when you have these issues, these dramas...
It's not even that!
You're like this because you went to see her the other day.
Of course I went! I needed her to give me something,
an explanation or I don't know...
money!
Can you imagine? Hey, you dumped me! Cash or charge?
Cash or charge?!
I don't mean to attack you, Martin...
but if it's "you dumped me, cash or charge?" You're gonna be rich!
He'll be a millionaire before he turns twenty five!
That's if your sister keeps screwing around.
Hello, may I speak to Ana?
- Hi. - Hi, Felix.
- How are you? - I'm good and you?
I'm fine, well... now I'm fine.
Oh, now you're fine?
You have something hanging out of your nose.
- What?! - Yeah.
You're messing with me, right?
- I like that weird thing on your bike. - The ribbons?
- Yeah, I like them. - Thanks.
They're from my first bike.
And when you change this bike?
They'll always come with me.
That's great.
Listen.
What?
A bad joke.
What?
A bad joke, you know when the crickets... never mind.
I get it.
My aunt had her savings there.
Well, that's where I worked until it closed.
What was working in a bank like?
Let me see...
You know those fluorescent lights that blink on and off?
Like they're not sure if they want to work or not?
Well, it was something like that.
What do you do?
I study design. You know, with Julia.
Yeah, that I knew.
And I work at Play Park, you know it?
That place where kids have their birthday parties.
Yes.
- What's it like working there? - It's OK.
You know when you inflate big balloons?
Then they fly all over the place...
Well, it's something like that.
I was thinking about something.
Do you have a first memory, the oldest one?
- From when I was little? - Yeah, do you have it?
I think so... do you?
My first memory?
I was thinking about that today, just before I called you.
I don't know if it's my first memory because there's a picture.
In the picture...
I'm falling asleep on my dad's lap and we're outdoors, in a park I guess.
The sun is right on us and you can't really make out the faces.
Well, that's all I can say about my first memory.
There's the picture.
- That's so great. - What?
To have a picture of the first thing you can remember from your life.
That's really something.
So is this, right here.
This... it's something.
***!
Thanks for leaving me waiting up here.
Please stop doing that, you suck!
Stop whining and tell me what you're feeling!
Don't you realize how retarded you are with that camera?!
Hold on, hey wait!
Stay still and talk to me!
Why don't you tape something else?
You said I could document you.
- Tape something else... - What are you feeling, Cat?
- What the hell else can I tape?! - I don't know, man!
Anything else...
Tape him!
Goddammit!
He's a lot more fun than you.
What's your name?!
I rushed into it.
So?
I rushed into it and now she'll be expecting me to call her.
I just don't feel up to it.
You should listen to yourself.
You're the poster child for the great depression.
I don't know what I'm doing.
Damn it, man!
You have this chance to make things easier on yourself...
and you're being a ***.
We just dropped off that idiot at the airport...
and you get this small window of opportunity,
because this chick is gonna figure out soon that you're a moron.
You could avoid months of listening to Air Supply locked in your room.
- It's not that easy. - Of course it's not easy!
Feeling bad for yourself is easier!
Listen dude...
Call that chick again, take her out...
Honk this horn!
Touch me.
And listen, we're going out tonight.
I'm not going out, man. I got no money.
I'll lend you some.
You'll lend me some?
No.
Dude, don't answer the phone while you're taking a ***.
It's just not right, man.
There are echoes in your bathroom and I can hear your magazine.
Tell Nancy to make sandwiches. I'm hungry.
Then we go out.
Don't flush the toilet! Do NOT flush that toilet!
Damn! My battery is dead.
Extra batteries next time just for you.
Yeah, I'll remind you.
This *** wouldn't stop taping me all day!
What the hell are you gonna do with all that?
In ten years you'll be crying like babies when you see this footage.
All I want in ten years is to not see you anymore.
Did you call that girl? What's her name?
Paola.
I called her and we're going out.
So she broke up with that guy?
I guess so.
If you look up '***' in the dictionary you'll find a picture of this guy.
Hold on, exactly how much of a *** is this guy?
This guy was Superdouche, with a red cape.
That much?
You know those guys that change channels on their girlfriends when they're watching...
a cooking show.
Go *** yourself, I mean it.
I ask this guy: "How hot is this chick?"
You know what he says? Seven and a half.
She was a seven and a half!
- Seven and a half is not bad, right? - It's fine.
She was fine! She was OK looking.
OK looking?! You remember ALF?
Imagine him shaved.
- You of all people! - Go to hell, man.
Dude, she was hideous.
Last time I hook you up with one of my cousins!
- Don't hook me up ever again! - You got it!
I never learn with this guy!
I can't believe you!
She came all the way from the farm to go out with you!
She could have come from Japan for all I care!
A handsome seven and a half!
Cat! Bring more beer! I can't stand this!
Bring beers and please take this *** away!
Cat, say something because I'm about to kick some ***.
Dude, my finger!
I'm sorry, man!
Are you OK?
Moron!
*** you!
Damn...
What?
Nothing.
What is it?
Nothing really.
Tell me already.
Remember the other day we were talking about that whole soul thing.
- The recycling deal. - Yeah, that.
Before I went to see Jimena the other day...
I was sitting right here...
and you see those steps over there?
There was this kid.
He must have been seven.
He was staring at me, but really staring, without blinking...
and the kid had the same stare my father had.
You really have to cut that out, Cat.
Cut what out?
You seem to want to hold on to something that's just not there.
There's nothing more than this, man.
You don't know that.
And I'll never know, not me, not you, not anybody!
The only thing you have to worry about is...
that we don't get mugged and that your beer doesn't get warm.
It's right now man, be here now.
Today, right now, I realize what I want in the future.
Someday, in four years maybe.
You'll laugh but it's for real.
I won't laugh, tell me.
I wanna be a good dad.
- I knew you were gonna laugh! - I'm sorry.
I would never talk about my dad the way you do about yours.
What could be better than that? To leave that behind.
I wish someday my kids would talk about me that way.
I would never...
My dad thinks that everything is fixed with toys, gifts, material stuff.
He saw that something was wrong with Julia, you know what he did?
He buys her a wrist watch. A watch and that was that.
I couldn't care less what my parents do with their lives but it affects her.
So what's their problem? Why are they never there?
Because they can't stand each other, so they make up trips and take off.
Why don't they just get a divorce?
Because it'll be this big thing and worry about what people will say.
I don't know man, don't care.
What's up, girl?
What's up with you? What did you do?
I went out with Cat and Eme, you know.
Did Felix call Ana?
Yes, he did. I think it went well.
The thing is he's kind of out of it right now.
- I haven't spoken to her yet. - He's messed up.
Looky there...
Please don't say "looky there", what the hell does that even mean?
That's so lame.
How do you "looky there" exactly?
Like this or like that?
What the hell is that?
Did you hear about that meteor shower?
Here? When?
Soon, but I don't know if they actually get here.
I think they burn up in the atmosphere.
Looky there.
Looky there!
The atmosphere, crazy.
Hey.
How are you doing?
- What? - Nothing, I'm fine.
Me asking how you're doing is so funny?
It's not funny, it's just weird.
I took my pills and I'm fine.
Did you see that?
Hey, could you mute it for a second?
Why?
Just for a second.
What is it?
OK, there's something I've been meaning to tell you but...
it's hard for me. So I guess the best way is to just say it.
So say it.
Do you know who has cancer?
Who?
The horoscope.
So I worked there until it closed. One year, almost two.
Apparently it involved a bad use of other people's money.
I don't really know...
It's not that I don't keep informed about what's going on. I watch the news...
I read the papers and some magazines.
The thing is that I got tired of it. I got tired of the place, the people...
but not the work. I always give my all at work and try to do the best I can.
The thing is...
it was like a machine.
And that machine's purpose was to damage and hurt people.
And I felt like a bolt in that machine.
So I got to asking myself: "Am I really a bolt?"
And that opened the doors to a world of questions and self-doubt...
about issues such as integrity, values, transcendence...
and so...
if that job was a machine then I think that this job is also a machine.
But with other purposes that I believe to be good and pure.
So basically I want to be part of this machine, and...
I want to be a bolt.
I want to be your bolt.
You come well recommended.
We pay minimum wage...
but...
if you can keep from interrupting me...
while I'm playing my electric computer games...
the job is yours.
Welcome aboard.
Thank you very much.
Oh yes, yes.
Kiwi.
- What did she ask for? - Kiwi.
- And what are you giving her? - Kiwi.
No, light green is kiwi and dark green is mint.
I know you're new but that's the third time you were gonna get it wrong.
But green is green, dude.
There is a difference... dark is mint, light is kiwi.
Everyone imagines a heart when they think of love, right?
If I ask you to draw love, you'd draw a heart.
Sure.
And it won't even look like a real heart.
No, I'd draw you a real heart. A fist shaped heart.
But admit the whole heart thing has nothing to do with love.
So what symbolizes love then?
- A razor blade. - What?
Yeah, a razor blade.
How can a razor blade symbolize love?
I think a razor blade actually is love.
Because the more you have inside you the more it hurts.
- Because they're razors. - Yes.
And what defines us is what we do with what hurts us.
What?
It's just that you're all deep and stuff.
Well, not that deep really.
- I just like the way your mind works. - Because of the razors?
Because of your flight of thought.
You can call it flight of thought...
but it's an exercise.
My best friend is really into this whole flight of thought crap.
So I told him to cut it out because it takes you nowhere.
- You were wrong. - Why?
Because those conversations are unique.
They're conversations that no one else is having.
I guess so.
Talking to you brings some sense to it.
I guess I also like letting my thoughts fly...
and asking questions that have no answer.
I admit I was wrong and I want to hear everything you have to say.
I warn you I talk a lot.
But you're a lot prettier than all my friends.
And you're a smooth talker, a very bad one I might add.
So razor blades, huh?
I know what to get you for Valentine's Day then.
Well then...
Play Park?
Don't get me wrong dear.
- I'm happy for you. - But...
A job's a job, right?
But?
But how did you end up asking for a job there?
This girl, she told me about it.
What does 'Ah' mean?
You know very well Felix that 'Ah' means 'Ah'.
No mom, it's not like that.
- Has Jimena left? - She's gone.
- Hello! - Hi!
Hi, mommy! How's it going?
- What's up? - Not much.
What're you doing?
Playing ping pong, wanna play?
- Your photos. - Hey, thanks!
One of them didn't develop.
That's alright.
Felix got a job!
No way! Where?
Hey, don't be like that!
Behave yourself!
I want ice cream!
- You want ice cream? - Yes.
Mister!
Hold on a second, which party are you with?
I want ice cream!
OK then, what kind of ice cream do you want?
Desert!
Desert.
- So? - Hi, Ana.
- How's it going? - Pretty good.
Are you getting along with the kids?
I haven't dealt with them that much.
Mostly I've been sweeping.
I just asked a little girl what she wants to do when she grows up.
- What'd she say? - Wear a bra.
You'll have to deal with them eventually.
Make sure they don't lose their shoes and stuff.
I still lose mine.
- You like the job then? - I do and thanks.
If it wasn't for you...
It's not such a terrible place.
You can make some money while you get ready for something else.
I just really wanna figure out what that "something else" is.
You will.
- OK, look... - What?
Let's celebrate that you like your job...
and that soon you're gonna know what your "something else" is.
- OK, how? - Close your eyes, it's a surprise.
All right.
Keep them closed.
You'll never guess.
The curiosity is killing me. Can I open them now?
Not yet.
- Now? - No.
- How about now? - OK, open them.
Did you like it?
- I thought it was a bunch of balloons. - It's only your first day.
Hey, how's it going?
I need Sancho's home number.
Yeah, his house.
Two zero zero two five... OK.
I want to ask him...
Can you turn that music down? I can't hear you.
I can't... bye.
Andy.
Hold on.
OK look, this is for Mr. Salerno, this is for Valdo Torres...
No.
Hey... Crazy Penguin.
Hey, please turn that crap off!
I'm trying to watch TV.
It's off.
Hello.
That was the TV, dummy.
Hey, Julia...
What I was saying before is that...
we should go to Eme's farm because we'll get a much better look.
It'll be awesome.
- What? - The meteor shower!
Oh right, I'm just gonna stick around here, but thanks.
Hey,
I'm not asking for much here.
Let's take this trip together, get out of here for a while.
I really gotta stay and get ready for next semester.
Stop lying and let's get outta here! It's gonna be fun.
I really can't, but thanks.
Today's mom's birthday.
You answer it.
Hello.
- You're dead, ***! - What?
You better start watching your back.
Eme, stop screwing around. What's up?
I'm not Eme, but I know that ***. He'll hear from me too.
You're not Eme, but you know Eme.
- You're Paola's ex-boyfriend, right? - Yes.
I've heard a lot about you, man.
- Oh yeah? - Yeah.
What did you hear?
I heard that you're a real ***.
What? A ***?
Yeah man...
these phone threats for example, what a *** thing to do.
- What the *** do you want? - You're funny.
I'll have to wipe that smile off your face.
Don't tell me what you're gonna do.
Come over here and do it or just *** off.
Don't waste my time.
I just wanna know one thing, are you gonna keep calling Paola?
No, I won't call her anymore... but I will pick her up in half an hour.
So don't call me anymore. You're pathetic.
OK, we'll have to meet then.
Yeah sure, wherever, whenever.
Come find me or send me an e-mail. Whatever you want.
You really are funny.
Oh by the way... your sister's kinda hot.
What did you say?
Kinda slutty but she'll do.
Now you got my full attention you son of a ***.
We really are gonna meet.
Come find me or just sit and wait, because I'm gonna find you.
You won't have to wait long, neither will your sister. Got it?
I'll feel bad if she stays here all by herself.
She shouldn't be alone right now.
We spoke about that with Sancho the other day.
He thinks it's because their parents are gone all the time.
This way, shortcut.
I don't think it has anything to do with their parents.
Why not?
Because when they're home it's just worst.
That's also true.
I have an idea but...
What is it?
Nothing, it's silly.
Tell me.
No, I'm telling you it's silly.
C'mon... tell me.
- No, I won't. - C'mon...
No.
Tell me already.
- My sister reminds me of Julia. - Yeah?
- Yes. - How so?
Well, for her there are no gray areas in life.
Things are either black or white.
Absolutely no middle ground.
You can learn to like some things with time.
- Not her. You know? - Yeah.
Did you know there are 1024 shades of gray?
Really?
Yeah.
When someone says: "It's not black or white, it's gray."
I just really wanna know exactly which gray they're talking about.
Did you write this?
- What? - This.
Yeah, is there a problem?
Yeah, there's a problem. I like it a lot.
Thanks.
Now one ever reads my stuff, but since you just did it without permission.
- No, It's just that... - I'm kidding.
- Do you have more? - Yes.
- Can I read some? - No.
You're so badass.
Cut it out.
So when did this *** call?
Yesterday.
So what happened?
What's his name again?
Enrique.
He calls me and talks about my sister. Can you believe that ***?
Don't let it get to you, it's what he wants.
I know, but it does get to me.
So let's lighten up that mood.
Shut up.
Let's go to that rehearsal.
You promised you'd come.
Where is it?
Look, I need you there.
These guys are really ugly. You'll be the eye candy.
*** off, I'll go later. I promise.
Stop promising *** and stop giving me that look.
It's gay.
OK, I'll go a little later.
No, we're going now. In my car.
God, you're such a ball buster! Let's go.
See that? You're my punching bag.
I know, but maybe...
But maybe what?
Hey mom!
I dreamt with this little black pig.
I would scratch it's belly and it would laugh like a child.
How would you interpret that?
I have no idea, son.
Yes, please.
Dear Lord.
Hello.
I haven't been up here in years.
Since the time Sancho broke his arm, right?
Yeah, that was messed up.
I come up sometimes.
What have you been up to?
Getting ready for my classes.
You're going on that trip with us, right?
I don't think so.
You gotta go, that way Ana will go too.
I think she'll go anyway.
We'll see.
So what's working with Ana like?
It's great. We have fun.
You're the man.
I'm the man that sweeps ice cream off the floor.
I'm serious. It's really something working there just to be around her.
It's not like I'm Romeo or anything. I needed the job.
Well, it means something to her.
I just don't want her to feel that I'm using her to forget about Jimena.
You know what I mean?
I think she knows it's not like that.
You think?
Besides, it's crazy how it worked out.
You're really lucky.
I enjoy being with her and all, but I wouldn't say that I got lucky.
Not yet anyway.
Your luck lies in the fact that she's gone.
If something happens with Ana is beside the point.
That's exactly what I came here to talk to you about.
What?
That hatred towards Jimena.
I wouldn't call it hatred.
I just don't like her.
I never did.
But you two were best friends in school.
When you talk about her it's like that never happened.
- You two were really close. - That happens all the time.
Wait a second...
Why bring this up?
I don't understand what that has to do with anything right now?
- Julia... - What?
I know what happened.
I'm the only one who knows.
I don't know...
I sensed there was something wrong with her.
I pressed her until she told me.
So I'm here now and I just want you to talk to me too.
Swear to me you won't say anything to Sancho.
- Julia... - Do you swear?
I swear, but if Sancho...
You swore.
Julia...
We really gotta talk about that hairdo.
What the hell, man?
It's a new image.
You guys should consider hiring someone serious to direct your video.
We trust this guy.
I've trusted him many times and it always ends badly.
OK, check this out.
Are you for real?
Go for it.
Dude... don't.
Listen up.
Start me up with something.
One... two... three...
OK, here goes...
Do it already.
I...
I didn't want to be a bat...
be a bat...
I wanted to be a little cow!
Wait! That wasn't bad!
Catch this.
OK, turn around.
- You turn around. - C'mon, turn around already.
Trust me.
Ready?
Do you know what you're doing?
No idea.
OK, on three...
One, two... three.
Let's dive in and see who can hold their breath the longest.
Why would you want to do that?
Because I want you to fall in love with me.
I'm working on it.
- You're working on it? - Yes.
- You think this will work? - We'll see.
Get ready.
One... two... three...
So... did it work?
What?
That holding our breath thing.
No.
I'll have to think of something else then.
You dropped this in the ball pen.
I didn't read it.
I wanted to but I didn't.
It would've been alright if you did.
Why?
Because it's for you.
This is a .357 Magnum.
Stainless steel, a very powerful gun.
Good for big game hunting and...
Wild boar? Wild boar?
- Does it kill wild boar? - Of course, wild boar.
This is a .38...
Careful please.
This is a .38 short barrel, six rounds.
No, the barrels too short.
A very good axis destroyer.
No to the wild boar and the little girl gun.
And this gun...
is a .9mm.
Martin...
Dude!
Careful, careful...
Holy ***.
Excuse me, sir.
That thing is for real, you know?
Like I was saying...
the .9mm is an Italian gun.
From Italy.
Model 1024.
It's a gun for experienced gentlemen.
You got me.
Experienced gentleman, if there's a way to describe my old man, that's it.
I knew you'd fall for that.
- I'll take it. - Very well, sir.
May I see some ID?
Felix, pay the man.
- I forgot my wallet. - Cheap ***.
Could you throw your shirt in?
Does that lantern have a radio?
The first manly gift I get my dad and they wrap it in a perfume bag.
Yeah, it's pretty bad.
I get the gift, a gun because your dad collects them. But why the bullets?
What the hell is the point of buying a gun without bullets?
Damn hippie.
He has a point.
- What point? - Why buy a gun without bullets?
- I got shotgun. - No way, I got shotgun.
Toss a coin, ***.
I know I left it around here somewhere.
- It's gotta be here. - You're a ***, Sancho.
Don't bust my balls. Here it is!
Stop it, ***.
Are we gonna go? Why did you have to bring the gun?
Spend a fortune on this thing and let it get stolen? No thanks.
Let it get stolen.
I know I left it around here somewhere.
- It's gotta be here. - You're a ***, Sancho.
Don't bust my balls. Here it is!
Stop it, ***.
Are we gonna go? Why did you have to bring the gun?
Spend a fortune on this thing and let it get stolen? No thanks.
Let it get stolen.
I'm not gonna start shooting up your backyard, you idiot.
No wait, that's the part when you block.
- Look out! - Son of a ***!
I'm gonna kick your ***!
***, stop it!
What's that over there?
What's that?
What is that?
Holy ***!
Get her out!
Get her out, man!
C'mon!
My sister!
Calm him down! Get back!
That's my sister goddamit!
Let go!
Get him back!
- Calm down, man. - She's breathing?!
Call an ambulance!
Come on, Julia!
Call an ambulance!
Holy ***!
Take it easy. The water's coming out.
What the ***?!
Give her air. Stand over there.
Hurry, Cat! Hurry!
It's all coming out.
Let's take her.
What the hell is this?
You got her? Let's go.
Calm down, calm down.
Didn't mean to...
Lie down, that's it.
Go back to sleep.
OK Julia, talk to me now.
What the hell is wrong with you?
I'm fine, thanks.
You want me to feel sorry?
Is that it? You're nuts.
You want me to feel sorry?
- You don't have to treat me this way. - You want me to feel sorry?
Is that it?
How would you like me to treat you? Do you realize what you've done?
Do you realize what you've done?
- It was an accident. - How was that an accident?!
How do you accidentally handcuff yourself to the bottom of a pool?!
How the *** was that an accident?
It's something I always do.
It's something you always do? What the hell?!
What is going on in your head?!
I do it with the key in my hand.
I dropped it yesterday but I didn't mean to.
I do it with the key in my hand.
I dropped it yesterday but I didn't mean to.
I do it with the key in my hand.
Why?! Why would you do that?!
Why the *** do I have to find you handcuffed to the bottom of our pool?!
- Sancho, look... - What?!
What could you possibly say to me?
Sancho look...
What?! What could you possibly say to me?
- OK stop! Stop yelling! - Stop?! No I won't stop!
Say something that can make me understand, anything!
Do you realize the random *** that had to happen for you to be alive?!
Why do you do that?! Make me understand!
OK, let me explain...
So explain, goddammit!
OK Felix, listen you gotta get him home.
He needs to get some sleep.
I don't know what they talked about but he's a mess.
OK, I'll try but you know how stubborn he is.
I don't care Felix, do what you gotta do but take him home!
- You're staying here? - Yeah... why?
- No, nothing. - OK then, see you later.
OK, listen up...
I'm cooking for you guys.
I'll buy some ribs and wrap them in tin foil.
We leave it on the grill for six hours.
You gotta shower those six hours.
By the time you're done showering...
butter.
That or fish.
Six hours will burn the hell out of it.
You shut up.
The foil protects it. That's the process.
Luana taught me.
Remember my girl from Brazil?
- Who the hell is Luana? - ***.
I know you remember her.
Do you know what he's talking about?
I showed you pictures. From Rio with Love...
Good evening.
Who is this? Who the hell is this?
Enrique, what the hell?!
This is Enrique? What's up Enrique?
You're kinda gross.
Cat, stop! Stop it!
What the *** is your problem, ***?!
What do you want?!
I want you to stop calling her!
Stop looking at me, ***!
*** you!
That's all you want?
OK then, I won't call her anymore. Bye now.
Hey, stupid! I'm not finished!
Don't you ever call me stupid again!
What more do you want?! Tell me!
Stop calling her, you got that you son of a ***?!
- That's all you want? - Yes!
Then I won't call her anymore, ***.
You don't know who you're dealing with.
I'll kill you. You know that?
Enrique, his sister is...
What do I care about his *** sister?! I've already had a piece of that ***!
Shoot him!
Don't you ever talk about my sister again, ***!
Kill me! Do it already!
I didn't think so! You dumb son of a ***!
Hey!
Yeah you, chubby! C'mere...
- Eme, let's go! - Hold on.
Come get some.
You like that?
Are you for real?
Alright then.
Nice seeing you again, Enrique. Good times.
Bud Spencer! Big fan.
You guys suck!
You'll be seeing us again!
That's gonna suck 'cause you're really ugly, man!
- Shut the *** up already! - I know where you live, Panza!
Then come by sometime, ***!
Come find me!
That's all folks! Goodnight!
Give me that gun! Get him in the car.
Did you see the size of that tattooed ***?
Shut up and get in!
On the meridian of time there is no injustice...
there is only the poetry...
Dude...
I beat up a little kid.
Who?
The little guy, the midget.
He called me 'chubby'.
I've been dieting for a year and that *** calls me 'chubby'.
Martin, it's been a year since that guy finished grade school.
He had it coming! It's been a year.
What the hell was all that anyway?
I don't know and I don't care and neither should you.
You snatched the gun from that guy's hand, crazy ***.
Who brings a gun to a fistfight? What an ***.
You got that right but you're still a crazy ***.
You still have that gun? Give it to me.
- What for? - Hand it over.
Don't give him the gun.
He hasn't touched his beer and he's already drunk.
Isn't this the same kind you bought your dad?
Why'd you give it to him?
It's not from Italy but it'll do.
Give him that one. The other one's ruined.
Next year he's getting a fruit basket...
and what do you call it...?
Shirt?
Suspenders.
Cat, tell me something.
How did you know that gun was gonna fire underwater?
I didn't.
Imagine going fishing next year with firepower.
Trout... SA!
Catfish.
SA!
Eme...
SA!
SA!
What the hell is "SA"?!
THE NAPKIN UNIVERSE